She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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