Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
