Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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