...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
