you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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