i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
