I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Someone shit on the floor
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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