i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She is in my trunk
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
