i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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