Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
