so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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