We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
