there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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