I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and she was petting her beer can
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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