Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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