Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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