got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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