You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
