If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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