i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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