is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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