This is not my ceiling
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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