Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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