i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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