i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
