How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
