Christians are straight up FREAKS
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
