I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
