So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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