Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
