Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
