you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
