this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
