Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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