I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
