tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
