he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
