Operation Purity has been aborted
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
