I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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