I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
