we have officially lost it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
