Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
and you fell through a lawn chair
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
