Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
