i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just had sex bonerless
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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