Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i now understand why vodka
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
