so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
