i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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