dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
