I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
