sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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