i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He shit in the fireplace
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
