I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
